


DNR

by teracity



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Doctor/Patient, Fluff, M/M, Prompt Fill
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-08
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:27:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teracity/pseuds/teracity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi has to go to the hospital because, what do you know? He has a dildo stuck up his ass. Doctor Eren Yeager has been chosen to help him out, and they end up trading numbers at the end of it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	DNR

**Author's Note:**

> This was written to fill the prompt over at the kinkmeme (link here: http://snkkink.dreamwidth.org/2848.html?thread=3299104#cmt3299104). It's absolute fluff and crack, because what the heck, I figure this fandom could do with more of those.

If you don't stop giggling, I'm going to rip that tongue right out of your mouth, hospital be damned.' 

True to her eccentric nature and testimony to their long friendship, Hange merely burst into another peal of loud laughter and started shaking. The car swerved worryingly and Levi sat up in alarm to steady the wheel when a pain shot up his lower back, reminding him of why he was in this situation in the first place. 

'Irwin is never going to hear the end of this,' Hange sputtered between subsided bouts of giggling. 

'Shut up and drive properly,' said Levi grumpily. 'I don't want to end up with both of us in hospital.'

After some thought, he added, 'actually, that might be preferable.' 

'You're welcome,' she teased back, but at least other cars had stopped honking at them. 

\------

Eren was having a hard time. He had heard many horror stories of 56 hour shifts and whatnot, and he had done his fair share of slumming it out in a spare room in the hospital, but this, he was not prepared to deal with. First, an attractive man walks into his room near the end of his A&E shift. 

Being in A&E meant seeing hundreds of people in one shift, and after a while, the names and faces start blurring into one another. As much as they teach 'people skills' in medical school, Eren found himself thinking in terms of 'the next case to resolve'. Late nights were worse, what with the drunks and junkies, but once in a while, someone caught his attention. The patient was petite, with jet-black hair that contrasted sharply with his pale skin. His eyes regarded Eren steadily, burning with an unidentifiable emotion. What really made him sat up was the presence - as though to make up for his lack of stature, there was an imposing, almost authoritative air around his patient. Whatever it was, it demanded attention. Combined with the ramrod straight posture and wiriness, Eren wondered if he was military. 

Second, said man proceeds to rather rude. 

'Are you kidding me,' said his latest patient flatly, eyeing him with a frown. 'Are you even out of school yet?' 

'I actually graduated just last year, Mr -' Eren took a quick look at the registration slip, and elected to go with the name he was less likely to mispronounce. 'Levi. How may I help you tonight?' 

'Huh, it's obvious you're fresh. You sound like you're reciting a page off 'How to Show You're a Caring Doctor,' replied Mr Levi, smirking at his jibe. He uncrossed his arms and leaned forward slightly. 

Eren forced himself to breathe, thinking of all the methods of anger management that Armin had taught him. _You're a doctor now_ , he reminded himself. _Hippocratic creed and all. Anyway, maybe hospitals make him uncomfortable._

'Levi, stop it,' scolded the tall woman who accompanied his patient. 'You may have a stick up your arse, but you don't have to act it.' 

The sudden cold stillness that descended upon Mr Levi's face made him very glad for the fact that there was a table between the both of them, and that the glare was not directed at him. 

Lastly, said man has a dildo stuck up his arse. 

\------

Jean sighed as his pager beeped, pulling a face when he saw who it was. He swore Eren had some uncanny ability to know when he was trying to chat up Mikasa, and concoct an excuse to drag him away. 

'As charming as your company is, I have duties to attend to,' Jean said, turning to Mikasa, who was focussed on her paperwork, meticulous and efficient as always. 

'I believe that's what we're here for,' Mikasa replied without looking up. Jean clutched his chest in mock hurt as he headed down the corridor, eliciting a slight smile from her. 

'What is it, Eren?' Jean drawled, sticking his head into the consultation room. Eren jerked in surprise, nearly ripping the curtain he was drawing shut. 

'Don't you ever learn to knock, Jean?' Eren asked. 'Well, never mind that now. I need your help in a minor procedure.' 

'Oh, what's so difficult that even Mr-I-Am-Going-To-Be-The-Best-Surgeon-Ever needs my help?' asked Jean, only slightly mocking. He was genuinely curious - usually, Eren preferred to work with either Mikasa or Armin, depending on who was on duty. His curiosity increased when he noticed the slight flush that coloured Eren's cheeks... was he actually blushing? 

'Ah, erm - well,' Eren stumbled over his words, but he was saved from replying by the patient behind the curtain. 

'He needs your help in removing a dildo from my anus,' said the man in a voice utterly devoid of any tone or emotion. 

Only the professionalism drilled into them in medical school prevented Jean from reacting overtly, but as he snapped on the medical gloves that Eren handed to him, he mentally put another mark into the column of debts Eren owned him now. 

\------ 

Levi huffed slightly and shifted against the scratchy plastic sheet he was currently facedown on. Another similar sheet covered his back, but he could feel the cool hospital air brush not unpleasantly along his tender anus. He could hear the muffled sounds of the two 'doctors' (He resolutely refused to acknowledge both young brats as actual doctors) preparing for the minor procedure, and cursed himself for getting into this situation and for the fact that Hange was the one in town to drive him. Mostly the latter.

'Mr Levi, I'm going to explain to you exactly what we are going to do, alright?' said Eren, the one whose eyes were still too wide and bright. Levi nodded curtly, not that the movement was obvious through the sheet, but Eren took it as a sign to continue. 'The area is probably quite sore, so we'll do our best to be gentle. If you are too tense, we may need to give you a muscle relaxant, but hopefully that will not be necessary. My colleague, Dr Jean, will help me maintain an opening for the forceps to reach in and remove the foreign object. If there is any blood, I will recommend a colonoscopy.' 

'Just get it over and done with, kid,' Levi said, not harshly. There was a slight hitch of breath - frustration? - but the reply was purely cool and professional. 

'All right. We'll begin now.' 

Levi tensed slightly when he felt the rubber glove on one butt cheek, but forced himself to relax. He gritted his teeth and thought about how this would be very pleasant under different circumstances. That kid - Eren - was rather nice to look at after all, if a little too scruffy and earnest. _Like a homeless pup looking for a home_ , he thought. He wondered how long the two had been on shift now, and why Eren wanted to become a surgeon. Those hands had potential, judging by how steady but gentle he was being handled. He bit back a gasp as one finger slipped in, and was mortified to find himself becoming aroused as the finger continued its explorations. 

'Fuck no. Hange has enough blackmail material as it is,' he muttered, thinking resolutely about anything but the male who was definitely doing a good job of loosening him up. 

'Light,' said Eren. The fact Levi could feel the warmth of the light was testament to how sensitive the area was now, and he tried not to shift. 

'Forceps.' 

The feel of cold metal caused him to jerk instinctively, and his cock rubbed against the sheet, causing him to gasp out a curse. 

'I'm sorry!' Eren apologized hastily. 'I'll put some lubricant on and warm it up...' 

Levi lips twitched at that, and he was annoyed that he found Eren's lack of awareness of the double meanings to be endearing. Going by the amused huff from the other doctor, he probably agreed. 

'Right,' said Eren, once again expertly stretching his anus. 'I'm going to insert the forceps now.' 

True to his word, the metal was no longer cold, but slick and warmed. Levi turned bit his lip and focussed on the embarrassing aspect of the situation - he could deal with the arousing bit later when he was back in his own room. There was a soft, pleased noise above him as Eren found the dildo and started to pry it out. Thank goodness he had lubed it well, and fuck if he was going to trust those claims of 'HIGHLY ATTUNED VIBRATING FEATURES' in future. There was a slight moment of discomfort as the forceps pulled out, but bliss - an empty, liberating bliss after. 

'No blood, Mr Levi,' said Eren after a while, with a slightly odd tone in his voice. 'Unless you're feeling any discomfort, you can go back tonight.' 

\------

'Thank you,' Levi said later, once again decent and seated at the desk. 

'You're welcome,' came the distracted and automatic reply. Eren paused from his report filling and met Levi's eyes hesitantly. 'Look, erm, I don't mean to pry, but I was a little surprised. The dildo was... very clean.' 

The direct, assessing stare was not unfriendly, but Eren's mind caught up with him soon after and he stammered apologies for overstepping boundaries. In his awkwardness, he suddenly realized that Levi was smiling. Almost unnoticeable, but it was there. 

'I like clean,' Levi replied, taking Eren's ballpoint pen casually from his hand. 'Let me know when you're getting off shift, and would like to do more anal inspection. Good night, doctor.' 

Even years of medical school did not prevent Eren's mouth from gaping in astonishment as Levi scrawled a telephone number on his palm and sauntered out of the consultation room. 

\------ 

'What are you smiling at?' Hange asked, glancing suspiciously at her friend. Levi's obvious good moods were rare and unusual, given the events of the night. 

'Wouldn't you like to know,' Levi replied, smirking as he returned his phone to his pocket.

**Author's Note:**

> And regarding Eren's surprise at the dildo being very clean... I did some research (meaning I youtubed the procedure) and for a dildo to be stuck so far up the colon so as to necessitate a surgical removal would usually mean it's coated in fecal material.


End file.
